someone kill me now please
by makelifetakethelemonsback123
Summary: this is one of those fanfics where you put yourself in...except i'm only TEN YEARS OLD! no ocs (other than me..) i get stuck in the world of Amestris at ten years...stuck means STUCK by the way, it's not possible to get back. i promise i won't ruin any pairings by making all the guys fall for me. i am only ten in this story people...enjoy ten year old me! THIS WILL FOLLOW THE MANGA
1. Chapter 1

a.n I decided to write one of these purely because at ten I was a giant, I despised milk, was always being mistaken for 15-17 years old, and very mature ( around new people at least) for my age, so basically the exact opposite of Ed (except for the milk). This won't follow the plot, manga or anime...so enjoy! Future chapters _will _be longer, I swear, and i'll actually update this.

I don't own anything you recognize.

Chapter one

I woke up in a room that was definitely not mine. There was no pink anywhere, (which was a relief) and there were no popcorn ceilings in sight. Because I was tired, and in a strange room, my first conclusion was that I had been kidnapped by the (former) child molester that lived across the street from us. I did the only thing that made sense at the time. I screamed. As loud as possible, in that way only ten year old girls could. Thirty seconds of the awful sound later, a girl rushed in, and I stopped simply because I was surprised that someone had come.

" you don't _look _like a child molester" I said cautiously. She blinked, obviously not expecting that. " you really don't remember what happened do you?" she asked curiously. If I had been any more awake, I wouldn't have answered her, instead I rolled my eyes. " that depends on what happened. Who are you?...and where am I?" she gave me a small smile. " i'm Winry, and you're in my house in Resembul. What about you?" _Emma, _said my mind, "Iya" said my mouth. _..Iya? Really? Out of all the cool names i have stored up...i chose Iya..._i made up with the last name.

" Iya Kingdragon" _is that really even a last name? I should have just used Smith...curse me and my dramatic flair oh well..what's done is done. _"why were you screaming?" " because I thought I had been kidnapped by a child molester." I said truthfully. "..." said Winry.I glared halfheartedly at her. " you're mean. _Why_ am here?" she gestured to my feet, which were covered by the blanket I was currently tangled in. I kicked the blanket off and gawked at what I saw.

My feet were made of metal. METAL! I wouldn't have been worried if they were prosthetic (actually I would have..but _less_) or if I hadn't just _moved _them like they were normal feet, but I had so I flipped out._** " WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAPPENED TO MY FUCKING FEET!?" **_( yes I know, big swears for a little girl, but..my parents weren't there so..) she shrugged. " we found you with no feet, so I gave you automail." I was pretty sure we didn't have robot limbs (screw that, I was absolutely _positive _we didn't) in my world. I inhaled deeply, time to put my acting skills to the test.

"what country am I in?" " Amestris." _okay. No Amestris in my world so..that means i'm in different world! _I was a smart kid. " and...Resembul you said?" Winry nodded. At ten, I absolutely adored fanfiction (the appropriate ones at least) and was fairly familiar with author insert stories. Except I wasn't an author, my writing would probably make you want to curl up and die. So, once again I did the only sensible thing possible. I thought...and thought...and thought, until I vaguely recalled a fanfiction i'd stumbled upon where the main character was an alchemist and lived in a place called Amestris. I hadn't read the whole thing, considering it was for something I hadn't read, but no knowledge is useless...right?


	2. Chapter 2

a.n. I wrote this in about half an hour. Sorry. And no. I have no idea if they have blood chocolate in Amestris.

I do not own anything you recognize.

I had been with the Rockbells for a few weeks before I met Ed and learned of Winry's homicidal tendencies. I'd heard about Ed the first day I 'd been there when I told Winry how old I was. She'd been surprised, and had informed me that her friend was fifteen and only (this information has been censored for your own safety) feet tall. I wasn't expecting to meet him so soon though. I cringed as I watched him being beaten to a pulp by Winry's wrench, vaguely wondering if I should do something. I didn't. When she finally stooped, she smiled at me. " Iya, this is Ed. Ed this is Iya." I gawked at her, "you..you just, like, KILLED him!" she looked down at the moaning splotch of red and yellow at her feet, "oh. Well... I don't _think _he's dead." then I grinned. " that was awesome! I wish I could do that." she blinked. " beat someone up with a wrench?" I nodded. " yeah." the red and yellow splotch got up and glared at me. "who're you?" "Iya" I chirped. "you would have known that if you'd listened to the lady who just beat you up." I looked at him. " you're not _that _short." I mused absently. His eye twitched. "who are you calling so short that he could live in the bottom of a thimble?" " …..no one..? I just said you weren't that short. I know a lot of people your age who are shorter or the same height" " you can't say that!" he said accusingly. " you're just as short as me!" " yeah..but i'm only ten." I swear to god, smoke poured out of his ears. He didn't yell though, he just asked if I drank a lot of milk. I shook my head, wondering if he was bi-polar. " no. can't stand the stuff. It's _gross. _And it came out of a living creature. Which makes it about fifty times grosser. I'll drink it if it's whole milk...but i'd rather not. Unless it's in something..like cake. But I don't like cake either so...maybe if it was in cocoa. I like cocoa. And chocolate. But eating chocolate always makes me feel guilty because most of the time chocolate is made with child labor and then it's _ blood _chocolate which somehow is worse than blood pudding, which is actual blood, but it's cooked and it's nasty, i'd rather drink milk than eat blood pudding any day unless I was being paid a lot and I mean a lot, of money and then I would use it to buy lots and lots of _books _ and certified chocolate and omygoshimramblingarenti?" I trailed off and decided that now would be a good time to become my normal super shy self. I blushed and ducked my head, because there was no one to hide behind, and now was the one time I actually needed it.

Time skip (to when ed and al were leaving)

"please please _please _take me with you! I can't stand it here! It's sooooooooooooooo boring! If you don't take me i'll just follow you! Pleasepleaseplease! i'll do anyyyyyyy thing! you don't want to be the cause for the death of a small girl do you? (I had no idea how many nerves that hit) puh-leaseeeee?" I tried making puppy dog eyes at him, which i'm sure didn't work too well because my pleading look was not meant to be mixed with puppy dog eyes. " if you don't I suppose I could just completely trash you automail...i'm sure Winry would be more than happy to fix it again..." trasnlation: if you don't take me with you, I will make your life a living hell. He glared. "fine we'll take you with us. But only if you promise not to be annoying. I smiled sweetly at him. "sure. I'm only annoying to people I like." not to long later we were on our merry way to central. Our very, extremely boring, merry way. With Armstrong as a chaperone. I had learned very quickly to stay away from that man. He was _terrifying. _And he _sparkled. _Like a mustachioed, super buff, vampire from twilight. Terrifying.


	3. Chapter 3

a.n i'm going to try to update this story every thursday, because it's when I have the most time. And yeah...i know, a lot of the dialogue is word for word from the manga. Not everything will be like that. There will be a part two of this chapter and I will update it tomorrow! Promise!

I don't own anything you recognize

The day was not going well for me. As we were boarding the train, I managed to fall onto my face three times because of my (god-dammed) automail feet, and when we finally sat down I was then squished between Al and Armstrong. By the time it was time to get back off, I was thoroughly traumatized. I kept tripping over my feet, so our progress was extremely slow. Until I was unceremoniously thrown over the shoulder of the one and only Major Armstrong. I whimpered.

" Please? Lemme down...? I'm going to die. I'm going to die from sparkle radiation. What kind of lame death is that? Sparkle radiation...i hate you! I freaking hate your guts! You-you-you are...evil! Yeah...evil. Can I get down now? I'm afraid of heights. Okay that was a lame excuse but it's true!...can I eat something? I'm hungry. Really. Major Armstrong?" I was ignored. We stopped in front of two people who looked normal. More normal than the freak show I was traveling with anyway. Somehow I managed to slip out of the Major's death grip and I ran over to them. " Oh my god. The tiny blond guy ordered the massive blond guy to kidnap me! I've been stuck with them for hours! They're _awful._" Just then Ed and Al caught up to us.

" I'M NOT SHORT YOU OVERSIZED-TEN-YEAR-OLD-WITCH!" I didn't dignify that sentence with a response. " See? He called me a witch. Why would I want to travel with someone like that?" "you're the one who _begged _ to come with us!" " No I didn't. I don't _beg _people shorter than me. Maybe if you were seven feet tall and had a voice that resonated and echoed even if you weren't in an echo-y r-" I was cut off before I could even finish.

" Major Armstrong? Who's this?" said the lady of the two." E-Iya. I meant _Iya. _(I wasn't doing a very good job lying about my name.) Iya Kingdragon. And _yes _that _is _my real last name." I sniffed. " I don't think the tiny-blond-self-proclaimed genius believed me." said genius shot a death glare my way. " I though you were _shy_." I shrugged and pointed my toes at him. " oh...i dunno. No one's said anything sexist. Maybe all my insecurities were washed away when I got better at walking? Maybe all my shyness was in my feet! That would be cool...I don't know why it would be cool, but I would be cool." I spun around in a circle and fell on my butt. " I never liked my feet anyway. I got foot cramps and they'd keep me up at night. Hey Ed? How come I could walk so fast? Winry said it was supposed to take, like, two _years _to recover from automail surgery. I'm glad that it didn't of course, but I'd like to know why..." he scowled down at me. " I have no idea. Maybe because you're so bouncy and annoying." " Maybe it's because I'm a girl. Women have higher tolerance to pain than men. Because women have babies. And men don't. And all the women in my family have extremely high pain tolerance. I think that might just be something wrong with our nerves. But men can be such _wimps. _I mean...really. Very few women would say they were dying because they had a cold or the stomach flu. My dad-i knew a a lot of guys who were really whiny when they were sick."

I smiled sheepishly at the people who were supposed to be escorting us. Well, Ed, Al and Armstrong really, but I was along for the ride as well. " Sorry. I'm not really sure how that stemmed from an introduction. Anyway. I'm Iya and I have no idea who you are. And sorry if I seemed the slightest bit rude. My mouth likes to talk and it hardly ever listens to my brain." they both nodded, clearly pretending they understood what that meant. " I'm Maria Ross" said the lady. " and I'm Denny Brosh" said her companion. They seemed to just notice Al. " oh!" said Denny ( what a stupid name...) " you must be the Fullmetal Alchemist!" "it's an honor to meet you!" gushed Maria. Al and Armstrong both pointed to Ed. " The small one?" asked a disbelieving Denny. Really...a stupid name to go with a stupid person. Didn't he see what happened when I called Ed short? Apparently not. Oh well...not my problem. " I'm not short!" yowled Ed. " Now I shall go report to central HQ" declared Armstrong before Ed could flip out even more. I somehow managed to jump off my butt. " oh! Yes! Go report please! Have-" for the second time that day I was cut off. This time by Ed."Oh? What was that? Is this where we part? Good job. I'm so sad! Bye-bye." he exclaimed, sounding anything but sad." hey!" I protested. " I didn't get to finish saying bye!" we were both crushed in one of the Major's death hugs as tears made waterfalls down his face. " I am sad as well! It was truly a fun journey! May we meet each other once again!" " No!" I shouted. " Never, ever again! I'm already scarred for life! I f I ever see you, I will run _for my freaking life._" Armstrong of course ignored what I said and heard only what he wanted to hear. " I love you too! And I wish I did not have to leave as well!" he dropped us both and I landed on top of Ed. " what the _fuck _have you been eating?" he demanded. " food. No bad language in front of little girls or I will force you to drink milk." we started to try to untangle ourselves. " And how would you do that?" I shrugged and got us even more tangled. " I would find a way. I always do." he snorted "Was that a threat?" I pulled my left arm away from his legs" No. are you paranoid?" I felt, rather than saw, his nod" When it comes to milk, yeah." I hummed disapprovingly " That's a stupid thing to be paranoid. I'm paranoid about child molesters and serial killers." " do you even know what a child molester is?" " uh-huh. I'm not going to explain it to you though because it's gross. Like, really gross." we finally pulled away from each other. " How did we get that tangled up anyway?" I wondered aloud. He glared. " I don't care as long as it doesn't ever happen again." when neither Maria or Denny made a move to follow Armstrong (you know...i didn't actually know his first name.), his eye twitched slightly. " I have to have escorts?" he whined. I looked at him weird. " I thought you're a genius. Why else would they be here?" he huffed indignantly and crossed his arms, looking like a little kid about to throw a tantrum. " because of you!" he snapped. " this is your fault! If you weren't here, we wouldn't have to have escorts!" I frowned at him. Al sighed patiently. " It's not Iya's fault brother." we all piled into a car. " wait... this guy is your younger brother?" " yep." said Al while looking miffed. I'm not sure how that was possible because you couldn't see his face but...he did. I hummed absently to myself. " why _do _you wear the armor Al? I never asked. I was too busy begging you guys to take me with you." "uh...it's a...hobby?" "that was the worst lie ever. If you didn't want to tell me you could have just said so silly boy." it wasn't too long before I realized something. "um. I have no idea why we're going to Central." it was very hard for me to say that without bursting into laughter. I liked The Flash. Ed rolled his eyes. " we're going to th-" his eyes widened and he presses his face to the window and squealed. Very out of character. " I can see it! I can see it! Yay!"


	4. Chapter 4

a.n I wish I had a memory like Sheska's...the bit about the war of Ishval and the alchemy explanation is taken from the fma wiki. I was too lazy to do it myself. : ) and does the ending seem okay? I liked it but now i'm not so sure...

I don't own anything you recognize

I sighed. "Ed. You're blocking the window." "he's talking about the national library." said Maria. "there are so many books there that you wouldn't be able to read them all in a hundred lifetimes." I perked up at that. " really?" she nodded " I don't think you'd want to read most of them though, it's not like a children's library." my mouth quirked at that.

" do they have a human Odyssey?" she looked slightly bewildered. " I'm sure they have one" " a _reliable_ human odyssey? That's not a condensed, edited version for dumbos who can't handle the real thing?" Al giggled at that. Ed turned to me. "why would you want a human odyssey?" I frowned. "why wouldn't I?" he shrugged. "Aren't little girls supposed to like playing with dolls and dressing up?" My frown deepened. "Okay. That was a sexist stereotype. I love to read. I always have, and history is interesting" _that, and I need to learn more about this world so I can make a reasonable back story. _

The car slowed to a stop and we hopped out. Walking was...interesting. I'd had about three months to get used to the automail, and that wasn't nearly enough. I ended up doing this hop/skip/spin thing so I wouldn't trip as much. I still tripped at least twice. We stopped in front of the library, and Maria started to talk about the library. I wasn't really listening until I heard these words

" ….Branch you were looking for burned down..." my eyes nearly popped out of my skull. I held up a hand. "wait...you just didn't say this before? If you ask me...well I'm not going to say it."

Twenty minutes later I was being dragged away from an enormous book on the history of Amestris. "wait!" I insisted. " I was reading that! I was only on page sixty-seven!" I had a very high reading level for my age.

Not long after, we were in some lady's house, looking for them. Well, everyone else was looking, I had found another considerable volume on Amestrian history among the stacks of books and had started reading. Sadly, I was torn away from that one too, because there was someone buried under books. I helped, but I was sulking.

She told some boring sob story about her sick mother (I'm so nice right?) and then Ed asked if she knew anything about Tim Marcoh. They had a conversation while I was in la-la land, and then she said that she could remember the book. Off the top of her head. I flung my arms around her knees. "oh, Ms. Sheska! I love you! I just met you but you're my idoooool! Did you just say that you could remember _everything _you've _ever _read? Because if you did...THAT IS THE MOST AWESOME THING IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!" Poor (oh, who am kidding?) Sheska looked a bit disturbed when I finished. "um okay?"

Five days later Ed and Al had the papers. What they were about I had no idea. "Ms. Sheska!" I squealed when I saw her. I'm sure she would have run away if not for the stack of papers holding her down. Ed pushed me aside with an eager look on his face. " These are really Mr. Marcoh's?" she nodded. " Tim Marcoh's culinary research documents!" I blinked. "whaaaa? Why're you going so crazy over culinary research documents? I mean...I thought that...you guys were doing something _important? _Like...i mean..._culinary research documents?_" As usual, I was ignored. " This is really what Tim Marcoh wrote right? Word for word?" Sheska nodded, and Ed grinned triumphantly.

" Thanks. Al! Let's take this back to Central library." I was beginning to feel just a _tad _out of the loop. I _really _didn't like that feeling. I glared as I caught up with him. " I have positively no idea whatsoever no freakin' idea whatis going on. So would you kindly explain to me what the _hell _is going on?" He seemed happy for a chance to do so. He was going at a rather brisk pace, so I had to skip to keep up. Unwilling to fall anymore, I grabbed onto his shoulder. " Alchemists live for the public. And just like those words, alchemists have a code to give the fruits of their abilities to the ordinary people." oh dear. I was being lectured it seemed.

" On the other hand, we've got to prevent normal people from learning about that knowledge." I nodded, understanding where this was going. Also, I didn't want to be lectured any longer. " So those papers are coded. Is it just some random code? Because I've never heard of a culinary code." Something dawned on me. " Ed? This might sound stupid, but uh...what exactly is alchemy?" I'd never asked before, because I'd just assumed that alchemy was what the people in this world called science. But now I wasn't so sure, because why would you need to code science research papers?

" you need to understand the inherent structure and properties of the atomic or molecular makeup of a particular material to be transmuted, including the flow and balance of potential and kinetic energy within. Then you can use energy to break down the physical structure of the identified material into a more malleable state so as to be easily reshaped into a new form. Then you just continue the flow of energy so as to reform the material into a new shape." we got back into the car with Sergeant Brosh and Al. " so..basically it's an extremely advanced form of science?" _ oh god. They have __**MAGIC **__here! I'm never gonna leave! _He nodded. " Yup" " ….Could...could anyone do it?" he didn't answer me that time.

We stopped in front of the library, and I groaned at the daunting prospect of walking. I doubted Ed would let me use him as a walking stick again. As soon as we entered I ran off to find a book on Amestrian history. _The people of Ishval__had clashed several times with the central government of greater Amestris__in the past and had been annexed to a region in the southeast of the nation, near the Eastern Desert. Though religious and cultural tensions continued between Ishvalans and Amestrians, a relative peace had been achieved between the two until 1901, when an __Amestrian soldier __accidentally shot and killed an Ishvalan child. The area exploded in a storm of riots and protests until the situation had become an all out civil war, causing massive casualties on both sides. Though the Amestrian Military had the Ishvalans outnumbered by far, the people of Ishval were able to keep the conflict going due to a steady supply of munitions from the neighboring country of __Aerugo__, which pretended to sympathize with them as an excuse to weaken Amestris' southern border for their own gains._

_The fighting continued to spread until the entire East Area of Amestris had become a war zone. In 1908, a full seven years after the conflict had begun, Amestrian Führer King Bradley__issued __Order 3066__, sending State Alchemist__s __in to the front lines to act as human weapons. This decision decisively, and horrifically, ended the war with the territory of Ishval being occupied by Amestrian__soldiers and the surviving Ishvalans spr-_I was interrupted yet again. I glared at the guy who had barged in with a loud " Yo!" until I noticed that Sheska was there too. I beamed at her, and she shrank away slightly. The guy noticed me.

" Oh! Who's this?" he inquired. It was a perfectly innocent question, but I was tired of being jerked out of my reading trance " 'this'" I snapped, " Is Iya, and she would prefer it if you addressesd her as such." never mind that he had no idea what my name was, I was more than a little annoyed. " In case you didn't notice, I was _reading _and have been trying to _read _for like, forever really...but I keep getting cut off! It's very irritating." he didn't really seem to be affected by my speech, and some how that provoked me even further. Then I noticed he was wearing a military uniform, and swallowed my next words. They were more than a little rude if you get my point.

I gave a world weary sigh. " Sorry. I'm Iya Kingdragon. And yes. That _is _my real last name."


	5. Chapter 5

_'Italics' _are thoughts

^for the dummies who can't figure that out on their own : )

a.n this is very very late. Sorry. Buuut...i have most of the next five chapters planned and written! So look forward to that!

I don't own anything you recognize

Before my poor irritable mind could process what was happening, something was shoved into my face and the military dude started babbling about his daughter. I blinked, attempting to see just what was invading my personal bubble. It was a picture of a little girl with pigtails. In other words...the most adorable thing on earth. I tried. I really did. But I simply could not keep the shout of " oh my dear sweet god! So cute!" from falling out of my mouth. Then I think I may have died and gone to heaven, because military dude started telling me all these impossibly endearing stories about his two year old daughter Elysia.

"-and then after she tried to give her ice cream to the flowers because they were wilted, she gave them all kisses!"

I was jerked unmercifully back down to the library when Ed rudely interrupted his lovely anecdote. " Lieutenant Colonel Hughes!" he sounded kinda surprised. ' Lieutenant Colonel Hughes' turned away from me. " I heard from the Major you would be here!" I assumed by 'the major' he meant Major Armstrong, the guy who liked to give little girls cancer from sparkle radiation. My good mood was dampened considerably by this assumption. " I told you guys to holler if you popped by"

It was pretty obvious from Ed's expression, that he definitely _did not _want to 'holler'. " We were sorta busy" he said a bit uncomfortably. Luckily, the lieutenant colonel didn't really seem to notice (or mind). " I was busy too! Lately there's been a _ton _of crimes. The military tribunal I'm in has been insane" he sighed. " and the case of Tucker's chimera hasn't been finished yet.." '_chimera? As in the monster from Greek mythology? Who the hell would have one of those?' _Of course I didn't question the fact that Chimeras apparently _existed _I just wanted to know who would have one. And where they got it from.

" Chimera?" I asked curiously, because as far as I knew, there was no actual magic in this world, so the 'chimera' most likely had a scientific explanation. Ed shot me a glare. " mind your own business Iya." I frowned to myself, hurt most likely flickering across my easily read face. " I was just asking." I muttered reproachfully. " I don't even know what the heck a chimera is." the last part came naturally, which was a bit of a surprise. I'd never liked saying that I didn't know something.

" A chimera is two or more living beings melded alchemically" Al informed me. " Oh." I said softly, very clearly not okay with that idea.

The topic was quickly steered back to Mr. Hughes's job, and for that I was extremely grateful. " The first branch just had to get burned at time when it was usually busy." I felt kinda lost, like I was missing some major piece of information. " the first branch?" I asked timidly. He nodded. " the tribunal is close by so I stored records of old cases in that book collection. But now it's burned down...it's keeping me from getting any work done" I felt my face light up and I pointed a Sheska who looked a me nervously. " Sheska's looking for work!" I felt the need to show her off to him. " she remembers everything!"

Poor ( again, who am I kidding?) Sheska was dragged away by a very happy

lieutenant colonel. I struggled to comprehend what I had just seen and heard. " did I just..um..take part in a kidnapping?"

Ten days of almost non-stop research later, i was startled out of a book on Xing, by

Ed shouting at the top of his lungs " No fucking way!" it was so loud in fact that I flinched, and toppled out of my chair. I was on the other side of the library. I groaned. _'better go find them before they blow something up.' _I found them easily, just in time for Ed to say " The raw materials of the philosophers stone are living humans!" before I could stop myself, words were tumbling out of my mouth.

" the philosophers stone? As in the fifth element in place of cheese? The red stone? That thing that can turn crap to gold and make you immortal and do bunches of pretty alchemy mumbo jumbo and all that nice jazz? _That _philosophers stone? Whaddya want it for?" let me just say, the look on his face was scary. Really friggin' scary. I blanched and blushed at the same time, which was impressive because I don't do either easily. " um...sorry? I think?"

As we left the library I decided to cling to Al instead of Ed, for obvious reasons. Damn alchemist probably traumatized me for life.


End file.
